Self-validation and loving yourself could be the lifeline you need to achieve your dreams. By the end of this article, you will be equipped with the tools you require for optimum self-validation. You will know how to trigger success through self-validation. Word for word, you will understand how to rise to the top of your game in all aspects of your life.
How do you validate yourself? Are you wondering how to shut yourself away from the negative opinions that people have about you? Is there a time when you have been wrapped in self-pity? Well, worry no more. Here is a formula to unleashing self-confidence like never before.
Human beings have many needs. However, even science proves that our most intricate need is that of having strong relationships or acceptance. We crave to have relationships with stable support. We want to be liked; it is our great wish to be held in high esteem by others.
Your response to what others say about you can be mapped onto your brain, according to neuroscience experts. A group of 40 people were monitored as part of an experiment that was carried out to show how the brain responds to compliments. The researchers concluded that confidence is tied to the part of the brain that is responsible for valuation and learning.
“I started to experience success in life when I learned how to validate myself and not care what others think.”
What is self-validation?
Self-validation is the process of discovering, recognizing & accepting who you are. It is more of a long-term state of mind than something you miraculously experience in an instant. “We are who we think we are.”
Humans are social beings. We live with our family, share experiences with friends and spend long hours with colleagues at work. That is why we care so much about what others think about us.
People differ in the territories on which they find their self-validation. Some find self-worth from relationships, careers or moral principles, while others find confidence in winning at competitions or wealth.
Self-validation means loving yourself regardless of what other people think or say. It knows how to pamper your mind and spirit with positive affirmations.
According to Forbes Magazine, self-validation and accountability can help manage stress during a crisis. That is how some business leaders are able to steer their companies to success even during pandemics like the Covid-19.
How Do I Stop Myself From Invalidating Myself?
By the time you have finished reading this article, you’ll know how to catalyze your self-confidence. What you need is a guide to unlocking your esteem. That is where we come in, to help you spark your cognitive signals to respond to positivity and shut down negativity.
Research proves that people with low self-confidence tend to encourage people to treat them poorly. Furthermore, other people can crack jokes to make you laugh, but only you can manifest joy in your life.
A recent esteem and confidence study indicates that knowing how validation affects you also increases your chances of success. Your mind and thoughts are influenced by different factors.
From the physical environment to your support systems, there are different ways to help you destroy all your fears and anxieties.
Accept and understand your feelings
Social psychologists will tell you that emotional responsibility is the first step to building self-esteem. So, it is time that you face your feelings of self-doubt and fear. The more you avoid coming to terms with reality, the longer it will take to find a solution to your anxieties in life.
Know that you are not alone
There are millions, probably billions, of people who suffer from a lack of self-validation. Even some of your best celebs have had to deal with dark days when they have been trending online in a negative light.
Can you believe that John Lennon viewed himself a loser? Yes, one of the greatest artists of all time had self-esteem problems. And yet, somehow, he managed to rise from a self-doubting man to a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.
Even billionaires recognize the importance of self-validation. Oprah Winfrey is a G.O.A.T on television and a billionaire by all standards. So, how did she become successful enough to overcome all the pain of growing up in poverty and sexual abuse? Well, the mogul has insisted that she does not care about what others have to say about her.
Find the origin of your self-esteem problems
Childhood experiences can threaten our sense of happiness, security and safety. Traumatic events such as rejection, criticism and neglect contribute to poor confidence in adulthood.
As a reaction, we form conclusions about what other people think about us (they will reject me, they do not want me here, they will leave me).
Reflect on yourself and explore your weaknesses. Face the person in the mirror and dig deep, into your persona. Ask yourself the following questions and try to come up with the answers:
– What makes me feel like I am not worth it?
– Whose opinions make me feel bad about myself?
– What do I fear the most in life?
– What opportunities have I missed due to a lack of self-esteem?
Deal with the problems
Accountability is a crucial part of building your self-confidence. Naturally, humans hate being wrong. This is because wrongdoing is often linked with punishment.
The consequence of such events is that we learn how to ‘deny’ our wrongs and make excuses. You will start to enjoy the benefits of self-validation when you learn to accept and face your mistakes.
Being accountable for your actions gives you the power to implement the changes required to succeed. This means you will no longer waste time as you avoid the inevitable.
As you will soon come to learn, being aware of your mistakes and consequences will help you trust the process of self-validation. You’ll learn how to get to a place where you no longer punish yourself for your shortcomings.
You are the most intelligent species on the planet, by all ratings. Still, you are vulnerable to making mistakes, just as much as the next person is.
Sometimes, even when we are trying our best, imperfection comes to the surface.
Forgive yourself for the mistakes you have made. View your mistakes as lessons and experiences. Lessen the pressure of being perfect all the time by cutting yourself some slack.
What Are The Different Types of Validation?
Validation is a contentious topic among scholars of life sciences. Everyone has a different impression of pain. While some are still functional, others crush us and go into a downward spiral toward depression.
This is all about you and is the most essential type of validation. It involves loving and appreciating yourself. Once you achieve this, what others have to say or think about you will matter less. Slowly, you will notice your life aligning with your own ambitions and dreams.
Do you find yourself scared of making mistakes in front of others? Peer validation takes form when people repeatedly seek reassurance from their friends, family or colleagues.
For example: you are out shopping with your friends. After trying out different shoes, you like the white pair. However, your friends insist that you look better in the red ones. Therefore, you leave the white shoes that you loved so much and go home with a red pair that you’ll probably never wear.
Is your self-esteem tied to material possessions? Do you feel less beautiful when you step out of the house without your make-up on? Do you use your money and assets to buy complements and affection?
Unfortunately, most of us anchor our self-worth to our wealth. That is why most people end up spending more than they can afford when they are around others.
Material validation is a common problem among shopaholics.
For example: you have gone for one drink at the bar when you meet your friends. They are nice to you and give you compliments (as they should, because they are your friends). However, you feel like you need to ‘thank’ them for being nice to you. Therefore, you buy them drinks, perhaps more than you can afford.
How Do I Stop Needing Self-Validation?
Being a people pleaser will drain your strength and energy. Confirming your self-worth with others is a sign of poor self-esteem.
The facts of your life should be the first things you consider. People are good imitators. That is why you will find individuals buying into a brand because everyone else is doing it.
Assume that you and your friend have gone out for dinner at a new restaurant that neither of you has been to before. Both of you might not be sure on whether the food is good but you will believe it if someone else tells you that the food is delicious. Remember that the taste of the food will not change, regardless of what you think. However, your thoughts determine if you will be a paying and satisfied customer.
On a smaller scale, you might find yourself imprisoned in a cycle of bad moods whenever you do not receive validation. A research paper written in 2018 indicates that those individuals with low self-esteem usually whine, sulk and display their sadness in other such manners to gain sympathy and support. Unfortunately for them, though, such manipulative strategies often backfire and provoke a negative reaction from friends and family. This further leads people with low confidence to believe that no one cares for them.
Fill in the blanks to the following questions:
Things that make me happy are __________
The things that I love most about myself are _____________
I am I grateful for _______________
To live my life to the fullest, I need to ________________
The people who put me down the most are ___________________
To improve my body and physical health, I need to ______________
To get ahead in my career, I need to _______________
The only way to stop needing validation is to achieve your goals, stick to your timelines and strive for your aspirations in life without hesitation.
Are you normally worried about what people think of your body? Go to the gym and start a healthy diet.
Are you feeling inferior due to your addictions? Decide to not be addicted anymore; you can do it!
Are you worried that you are not achieving your daily goals? Well, make a list and tick things off every time that you do.
Don’t Let Others Magnify Their Insecurities on You
Notice that, when people voice negative things about you, they are just scared of facing their shortcomings. If you have problems with your self-esteem, investigate the different ways in which you sabotage yourself after hearing negative opinions about you.
How Do You Practice Self Validation?
Fill your mind with positivity
We are what we hear every day. Make an effort to surround yourself with motivational and happy content. The more you listen to constructive material, the more successful you will be. And, eventually, it will come to a point in life when your brain shall have no room for uncertainties and anxieties.
Write yourself a love letter every week
Life can be brutal and the world is already chaotic. Take time, away from the noise, to appreciate yourself for coming this far. Once a week, every week, write a love note to yourself. Congratulate yourself for your achievements, no matter how small, and encourage yourself to keep going. This can make a big difference!
Celebrate your achievements
When you do something great, pat yourself on the back. You are amazing and you deserve the chance to host a celebration for yourself. After all, every one of your victories is worth a celebration. You can treat yourself to your favorite food, music or a small gift. You deserve it!
Focus on physical and mental wellness
Take care of your mind, body and spirit. Taking care of yourself is a way of loving yourself because you are confirming that you deserve to be pampered. Exercise, eat well and meditate. Keeping your body at optimum levels will boost your confidence and health alike.
Ask what you need to better yourself
Be the master of your destiny and always strive to do better than before. Whether this means improving your lifestyle, dropping an addiction, going back to school or working out, it doesn’t matter; it should be what feels right to you. Look inward and give yourself ample time to answer this question.
Learn how to accept what you cannot change
Life is a rollercoaster and things are not always smooth. They don’t always turn out the way we planned or wanted. Therefore, you should try to practice ‘acceptance.’ Teach yourself to surrender to events that are out of your control.
What Are Positive Self-Affirmations?
Positive affirmation statements help you to motivate you to overcome feelings of self-doubt. Repeat these statements every day and you will start to see incredible changes in your life!
“What we conceive & believe is what we receive.”
Positive affirmations are phrases you tell yourself daily. They help you to form thinking patterns and, with time, you’ll notice that you begin to think, talk and act differently. So, if you normally find yourself trapped in a cycle of negative thoughts, use positive affirmations to make yourself feel better.
Congratulations! You have been patient and keen enough to learn the art of self-validation. You have worked through the different types of self-validation and gained knowledge on how to love yourself.